Wicked Love


Love has never found a way to her

The more she searched for her in the dark dusky clouds

That silver line, a hope to shine

Disappointment would pour down heavily

To wash off her fancy world of thoughts

And squeeze them into the secrets of her pillow every night.

Suffering has monopolized her body and soul

Caged it, embraced it so tight

She never could let loose those clutches

Of self pity, insecurity and fear

 To breathe free, smell the spring

And get wet with a love virgin and brave

For seasons to pass by.

Deep inside my heart
Secure in my soul
I live you every day
Yesterday, Today,
And the would-be-day
Winter, summer, spring and fall
Every season, pleasant or worse,
I live you every moment
Ask not from when and how.

I live you
No matter you least but
Mostly better understand me
I live you for no reason,
Couched on my mind the whole day
You are comfort so smooth
Rough at times for reasons just
But I live you in every mood
Ask not from when and how

I live you
In complains and excuses
You come late every other day
No more I find you the same
But you handle with care
Caressing me, my fussy hair,
kissing my forehead
Off to bed with promise
A long drive-this weekend
I live you in self weaved moments
Ask not from when and how

I live you
When solitude pens you down
You murmur to me
And I listen to you from nowhere
You then awake in my dreams and
Settle calm in my thoughts,
We tap the floor together
Arms around my waist
I live you in every single minute
Ask not from when and how


I live you
Since the day we met over tea
Till this day we are blessed and married
I live you in your past, our today
Your ‘before-me’ years
And I will continue to live you
In the coming days and months
Forever, for I feel coplete with you
And the way you have been, you are now
But ask not from when and how!!

Indifference

She fears just your indifference, nothing else
No commitment she seeks 

But a free you, wanting by her side
Demanding, complaining, and 

Expecting to be understood in fights

She fears your long drawn silence, nothing else
For she wants to share 

All the darkness secretly fed
She will be besides you forever

For all that is messy and uncured

She fears your long drawn silence, nothing else
If you could pamper a little 

With words defining togetherness
She will be bold to see through 

Odds bothering your heart.

She fears only your indifference, nothing else
If love and belonging could be your gift
She will be all strong and loving, 

for all seasons and days
 

Left Alone

You left me alone

Answers which I hate to accept 

When they resound very harsh

But truth is always bitter

With questions dearly familiar,

Most unwelcoming,

Lately though I do own them

Crippled was I

With the restless boredom

Where the crowd is never alone

I was cornered to the last

In the wait, to hear from you

Lips did not open up

Mum and awestruck I kept

In the mysterious warmth

Of confusion of insecurity

A restless sanity of mind

And whirlpool of thoughts

Squeezed in the incommodious

Space of my own body

Took into suspicion much

Your being with me

The present life and beyond

Left alone in the cold outside

With a dream self crafted

That dies every minute now too

Wish I, if you ever could

Bare the courage to say a ‘Yes’

And walk  a few parallel steps

But I was left alone

Ghosts of tomorrow

To get a hold on me

Repeating reflections of today

Laughter so horrifying

Smile to roll down

And cheeks red patched

Dreams of you still

Bang my eardrum hard

Numbness smeared all over

My wrinkled body and soul

Your concern from the good days

To swim before my eyes

Some pleasant memories of past

Now get my woes go green

With your harshest good bye today

I am resting my weep in silence

Never had I dared to ask you

Not to leave, nor could say

Please stay back

But I wish a prayer

In me “you stay forever”

Till my last day, the last breathe

 2014...back then

You are my Coverpage

You are my coverpage
bhai

I look up  at you
as in reference every time 
and for times you were not around, 
when my heart sunk
known-unknown fears
smear  all over the restless soul
I seek , I seek for You
Who is so close a confidant
an ever  promising hand
and a traveller peace-bound

For i am hesitant,
Silent like the dead, at times
the pampered heart
limits to pour down
and the stubborn ink
resists flowing smooth
for only, and only
if you won’t listen to me
in a busy schedule perhaps-
the other hour
in an  appointment with moods
the other day
But you have  it always, “time”
for. unconditional is your concern
for I am your darling baby- sister

Queries , Self -bothered
quietly disturbed often
like the unsettled ripples
reluctant to open up
but when they text to you
you are reasonable
calmly patient and Patiently calm
Where conviction  is a  virtue
there you are


A priceless gift you are
for a consideration-lawful,
I have you-my darling brother
Worth  this and many lives
for a bond so strong we share
For the  love  ever -fresh and green

to refresh memories
eagerly  ever ready
for I am  lively alive
in the days younger form now
with the same you-
 the yester year’s old book
this day’s  new cover page

Reasons unfamiliar
beyond  and without peace
when I stammer
and solutions seem so far
 you settle me stable
for  they get absolved in you
when I am hold tight
and no more they feel deserted,
thoughts are put to rest
when she  volunteers to surrender
the “paper” holds them  dear
emotions get  haven
in  all the  coming months  and years

 you lift up the  hesitant spirit
dark , dumb and dull
you nourish the confidence
pale ,dim and low
But this is how
I belong to/with You
in all my  smiles and tears
For you are my cover page

  

Colourful   you are
adept and seasoned with jeje (grandpa)
innovative & young with a toddler
actively smart with time
Crispy with blended literature
for you are the novel cover page

While You struggle to be you
I learn to be I
from you , with you
I am what I am
Only for those Some days
when i walk beside/along with You


proud , I am
in  all your praise
for you have been my favourite
for you  are my  hero
the colourful-ever new cover  page

Born free though,
a caged bird I
bars within and without
only could see them fly
with their wings wide and hopes high

born free though,
squezzed are my feathers
constrained are my dreams
fear is all that I eat,drink and wear
a caged bird I

born free though,
lost in the universe
amidst shrieks and sighs
my melodious n soulful cries
remember not,what my name is
a nightangle I or a cukoo I
bt a caged bird I

born free though,
tried in vien, I knew though,
got hurt my wings poor
waited, waitedand waited
from nowhere came nobody
a caged bird I


born free though,
left no more strength
neither can I gather any
I bother not, now,to fly high
restless thoughI to feel free
still, a caged bird I

रंगों की बौछार न सही , कुछ छींटें मेरे दामन में आये तो सही
नीले आसमान में सजतें हों ,जैसें तारें कई ।
सफ़ेद साढी में लिपटी बेजान पत्थर , शिल्पकार तो हो कोई ,
ना हो भले हमसफ़र , हमराज़ , हमदर्द तो हो कोई ।


लाल गुलाबी हरी या नीली, ना हो कोई चूड़ी मेरी ,
जकड़े ना लोहे के ज़ंजीर मेरी इन कलाइयों में कोई ।
ना पहनाएं भले कोई छम-छम पायल ,
ना सजाएँ बेड़ियाँ , घुंगरू की ,ज़ख़्मी इन पैरों में कोई ।


ना चहुँ में माथे में इक रेखा लाल अविर,
ना सजू बहार में वादी सी कोई ।
ना हसूँ खिलखिलाती कलि सी कोई ,
सफ़ेद इस इक दमन में लगाए ना दाग कोई ।

when all is gone

Answers question ,questions answer,
who am I??? am I that who???
again, who is that who?
cries the new life born and asks loud,
who am I and who are you?

Greed , lust and desire propels
run,run,and run,fast and hard,
dare miss it,grab it, hold tight and don't let free,
its money all around, that triumphs and speaks,

Laughter resounds, but topples on floor,
wants more and more,
is it noy enough??
engulf it all, still pushes tight,
till vomits , shattered and scattered.

Ego echoes, pride drums,
everyone cries foul,
I am complete, the achiever, the conquerer.

Alas!!! He stumbled,fell down tired
cracks head,fractures bones,
gone the evil intellect,the impure senses
and, at last says- I am none ,I am none!!!
dont know , who am I !!
why didn't I seek the light,
why didn't I lift the veil,
repents that sinner, the murderer of the soul,
when all is gone........

हर रोज के इस खुनी खेल में ,
दरिंदों के नापाक इरादों में ,
क्यों मिट जाती हे जिंदगी ,
हाँ ! इस शरीर पर मेरा हक कभी न था ,तेरा हे,
पर इन गंदे हाथों में क्यों सोंप दी मेरी जिंदगी ।

लहरों की तरह उठती , गिरती

ये भाब्नाएं भी , खूब खेल दिखाती हैं ।

सब चीज़ बिकाऊ हो गयी हे ,

अनमोल अरमानों का मोल करता हे इंसान ,

कभी कोई सिक्कों में तोलता हे

कभी कोई रहम भीख में देता हे ,

तमाशा क्यों बनता हे 'ये कवि' अपने उन जज्बातों का ,

खरीददार होंगे कई , पर कदरदान कोई भी नहीं ।

झूठी थी वो कहानी ,

जिसे तू हक्कीकत समजता हे ।

तेरी साँसों में ये बेचैनी कैसी ?

आवाज़ में ये दर्द कैसा ?

aur har नज़्म में ये आंसूं कैसे ?

सब अपने लिए , बस !!!

तू तो औरों की अब सोचता भी नहीं , भूल सा गया हे ,

जिनके लिए कभी तेरी कलम रोटी थी ,

न वो कलम हे न ही एक कतरा सयाही ।

जो तू बोएगा , वही पायेगा ,

आंसूं से नाम पड़ी उस बिज को ,और मत सींच ,

फेंक आ कंही दूर , किसी बंज़र पड़ी ज़मीन पर ,

जो ताप -ताप कर ,पत्थर सी हो जाये ,

तू चाहे अगर भी , वो पिघल ना पाए ।

कोशिश कुछ और ही थी सायद , पर में लिख कुछ और गया ,

माफ़ करना मेरे यार 'सायर'

कंही कोई गुस्ताकी , ना हो गयी हो ।

मुझसे कुछ तू सिख भला
क्यों यैसे तू घबराये
आंधी तूफान आये कई, डाटा रहा
रेगिस्थान की तपतपाती लू या बर्फीले तूफान
सब मुझसे टकराए
बरसों बीत गए यूँही
देख,खड़ा हूँ आज भी सीना ताने ।


मुझसे कुछ तू सिख भला
क्यों संभल ना पाए
चट्टानों से टकरा उन भले
वादियों से गुजरती हुई अपनी राह धुन्दू
या फिर ऊँची टेढ़ी पहाड़ों से गिरुं
बरसों बीत गए यूँही ,
पर बहती हूँ , आज भी वही पुराणी सुर और ताल में


मुझसे कुछ तू सिख भला
धीर क्यों ना धरे
चाहत हे कितने दिनों की
उसके दीदार को
पर बैठा हूँ में चकोर , कब से और आज भी
वही इक आस लगाये ।

मुझसे कुछ तू सिख भला
क्यों मन मैला करे
काला कौवा में सही
पर धर्म कर्म न छोदुं
सांज सवेरे देर अंधेर सबके आँगन चमका उन .


मुझसे कुछ तू सिख भला
क्यों ऐसे तू संकुचाये
कितने आये कितने गए
सब मुझमे ही समाये फिर तू रौंदे क्यों मुझे
और क्या धुन्दन को तू आये
माया रूपी इस संसार में
क्या लागे तेरा और क्या मेरा....

चमन से एक फूल माँगा तो उसने कांटे दिए

आसमान से पानी माँगा तो उसने अंगारे बरसाए

धरती से एक मुट्ठी भर मिटटी मांगी तो उसने कंकड़ दिए

अब क्या मांगू में तुझसे ,दर लगता हे

कंही ,मेरी खुसी के लिए

तू अपनी होंठों की मुस्कराहट ऩा दे दे ।

गुजरा करते थे जब तेरी गलियों से
खिलखिलाती हंसी का एक सलाम मिलता था
रूठी ऐसे तेरो किस्मत मुझसे
अब सलाम तो दूर तेरे ज़ख़्मी दिल से एक बद्द्दुआ भी नहीं मिलती

वोह हरा पत्ता जो हवा के संग खेलता था

उसे किसके बेरुखी ने बहुत जलन दी ,मुरझा गया वोह

पर वो तो मेरी जिंदगी की हरियाली हे

ताज़े हवा के स्पर्श से फिर मस्ती में झूमेगा

वो खिलखिलाता था जो ,सूरज की रोशनी के के साथ

उसे किसीने अपने घने बालों के साये में धक् दिया

वो तो मेरा सूरजमुखी हे

नयी सुबह की नयी रौशनी में

अंगडाई लेकर फिर हसेगा

वो लो जो रोशन करता था चेहरा मेरा

किसके आँचल की खुसबू ने जरा बैचैन कर दिया ,पर बुझा नहीं वो

वो तो दीपक हे मेरा

खुद को जला कर औरों को उजाला देता हे ।

शायरी

झुलस रही हे मेरी भाब्नाएं
तेरी इन बेरुखी नज़रों से
कांप रही हे मेरी रूह
तेरी इन ठंडे एह्साशों में
ये नर्म धुप जो सेंकती थी मेरे नम पड़े इन हाथों को
अब चुभतीं हैं मेरे बदन में
क्या हुआ उन वादों का,उन कसमों का?तू कहता था ,जान दे कर भी निभाएगा
ना मेरा प्यार बदला था ना मेरी वफ़ा
इस झूठी दुनिया के रंग में तू ही बदल गया हे

two poems

२
सारीं हदें पार कर गई तेरी बेरुखी
कभी नम ,कभी सुखी पड़ी,
इन आंखों अब में चुभती हे तेरी हँसी ।
जलता है रोम-रोम तेरी उन झूठी-मीठी बातों से,
वफ़ा तो दूर,हमदर्दी दे गया होता,
सच न सही, झूठ तो नही बोल गया होता:
पर चोरी तुने की और फस मैं गया ।

१

my mail to bhai on his 26th birthday (simple, sweet ?)
____

it is not in the days,months or years we live
those live, who live in their deeds
count not the hrs those have passed
wait for the moments that are to come
cry not for the wounds that are healed
rather heal with the tears of love for those who need you
laugh not with a heavy heart for stupidities in the past
it was worth for what it was,
louder u laugh in heart with happiness with ur present
give not that for which u are unexpected
surrender all that u have n the way u are
take not what u want
accept what u are given as love ,respect,n trust
feel not what the 5 senses demand
experience the eternal peace of mind,in union with the ALMIGHTY

bhai's response (complex, canny??)
___
one does not understand ordinarily,
even has doubts due to experiences otherwise.
circumspect, cautious and fearful too
to accept the blessing one has found.
ever aware of the limits of distance and time,
and transient nature of all seen and felt.
seeks approbation from others learned and less
what one knows in heart is for certain.
one bounces off and back again and again
from joy and apprehension inexplicable.
disbelieves the worth of what is received
the receiver and even the generous giver.

only when one finds a one as you,
one knows for sure what has one found

shayari

तुझसे बिछडा तो ग़म से मिला, तुझसे मिला तो ग़म से ही मिला ।
ऐसी भी क्या कमी खुशियों की ढूँढने पर भी हमें एक कतरा ना मिला ।